I Forgive You
by Ria
Summary: Ken likes Daisuke, Daisuke likes Ken. Trouble is they’re both afraid to admit their feelings to each other. In the end Ken’s vulnerability is the key ... Warning: Yaoi fic.


**Disclaimer:** Digimon, its plots, characters etc. are not mine! Daisuke Motomiya and Ken Ichijouji aren't mine either (although for Ken I can happily dream!) and I've only borrowed everything, so don't sue, please! 

**Warning:** What you are about to read is an yaoi fic, which means a boy is going to have a crush on/feelings for another boy. Don't like it, don't read it. Cruel, but it saves me from getting blasted. Anyway for everyone who's reading this, 'cause they want to, hope you like! ^^ Oh yeah and this kinda came when I was sitting out in the freezing cold, waiting for my Mom to pick me up from after-school Math. So excuse if parts of this are a little weird! There's two curses in it: damn and hell. R&R would be adored, I'm unsure of this one ... 

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**I Forgive You   
By Ria**

_I wish I could tell them how sorry I am_, Ken thought, as he wearily pulled his book bag onto his shoulder and made his way out of the school. He hated to admit it, but going to a different school from others he only vaguely knew, but still knew, was more trouble than it was worth. But he was considered a genius, and going to a private school was the one of the consequences for it. Besides, speculation would arise if Ken Ichijouji, famed boy intellect, suddenly went to one of those 'ordinary schools'. He wondered how Daisuke, Hikari and the others would react if they knew Ken's father considered Odiaba Elementary 'ordinary'. Although personally he wouldn't mind it. Just to be considered normal would be a welcome change ... 

But he was anything but normal. Born bright and brilliant his destiny had already been mapped out. Learn things years earlier and be an expert at anything he wanted to be. To most people it would be a dream come true. To Ken, it was a curse come true. For everyone forgot what came with it: expectation, pressure, fame, adoring fans, smitten girls, countless contracts and what not. It was ... he couldn't think of quite the right word to describe it all. Madness, chaos maybe brushed it, but weren't quite the right words. 

_I hate it_, Ken thought, as he made his way down the street, towards his family's home. _I hate it so much and I can't tell anyone. And it's - it's infuriating and no one must know about. The Rocket can never be faxed, can never lose control. I'd like to though, I'd really like to! It may seem like so little, but to me it'd be such a Godsend I can't even begin to describe it!_

He was the only one on the street, all the other students had long ago gone home. He had stayed behind to work on a Chemistry assignment he had been given. Being considered a genius had its own price to pay. If he got less than a B, everyone in the country panicked. He wasn't surprised if one of his secret nicknames was 'Straight A' or something. Honestly. 

"Hello dear!" his mother called, as he shrugged off his book bag and dumped it beside the door. He could get it later. "How was the chemistry assignment?" She poked her head around the kitchen doorway to see him, smiling. 

"It went all right," Ken replied. "No problems." He pecked his mother gently on the cheek as he passed by her. When he had been the Kaiser and Ken Ichijouji the Arrogant, such signs of affection would have been beneath him. Now though, now he wasn't so sure. He had slowly decided it was time for him to start behaving human again and that meant treating others as equals again. It was hard. 

"I'm glad," she said, smiling tenderly at her son. Inside however, she was still surprised over the small, subtle signs of affection Ken was giving her and his father lately. He had never acted that way before, in fact it had only been after he had come back he had started acting this way. She admitted it had been strange at first, but she and her husband had quickly got used to it. She liked the way her son behaved these days, he wasn't so cold and distant anymore, treating his parents and everyone else lower than him. "Are you hungry?" 

Ken shook his head. "No, I'll pass. I'll eat something later. I'm going to my room for a while, all right?" he added, already walking to his room. 

"Oh Ken!" his mother called suddenly. "There's something I must tell you -" It was too late, he was already out of earshot. She sighed, hoping he wasn't going to be _too_ surprised when he saw his visitor. Or maybe that should be too _annoyed_ ... 

"Wormmon?" Ken called softly, as he opened his bedroom door and walked in. Turning, he shut it quickly. "Wormmon, where are yo-" He stopped short when he saw the person sitting on his bed, chatting quietly to Wormmon, his own digimon beside the green worm. "What are you doing here?" he asked, completely taken off guard. At the back of his mind a dim voice was already realising that was what his mother had been about to tell him. 

Daisuke looked up, and for a moment Ken watched his face go pale. Then he swallowed, just audible enough for Ken to see and stood up, gathering himself together. Despite himself, Ken was impressed. Daisuke wasn't the Keeper of Courage for nothing. "Hi," he said quickly, trying to hide his nervousness. 

Ken smiled inwardly, as he replied casually, "Hello. Are you going to answer my question?" He leaned against his door, folding his arms across his chest, waiting patiently. He'd give the Chosen child a chance and if he liked the reason Daisuke was here, he'd let him stay he decided. 

"I just ... well I just came to see how you were," Daisuke said at last, carefully avoiding Ken's eyes. "Is that still a crime, to see the mighty Ken Ichijouji without an appointment?" he added, glancing over at Wormmon and Chibimon, who were talking quietly, as if they had been friends all their lives. How was it that digimon made friends with each other so much easier than humans did? 

For a moment Ken was secretly hurt over Daisuke's comment about seeing him, until he realised Daisuke was only joking, teasing him. Relief flooded him. For some reason the thought of Daisuke not being his friend anymore - or at least sort of his friend - made a physical pain ache in his chest. What was wrong with him? "No," he replied lightly. "I lost the appointment book." Daisuke glanced at him and Ken felt the hints of a smile grace his lips. Daisuke suddenly grinned. "What?" Ken asked, wondering what was so funny. 

"It's been so long since I've heard you make a half-decent joke," Daisuke explained, still grinning. "It's just a bit strange." Ken arched an eyebrow and Daisuke sighed. "Never mind," he muttered. Under his breath he added, "Maybe Hikari was right about my humour being so strange ..." Ken snorted without thinking. "What's so funny?!" Daisuke demanded, thinking Ken was mocking Hikari. No one mocked _his_ girl ... or at least his maybe girl. 

"Now who's acting strange?" Ken replied, smirking as he walked over to him and sat down beside him, careful to let Chibimon and Wormmon move over to leave him room. "Hikari's never going to like you, you know. She and Takeru have been through too much." It was plainly obvious to him, the others, in fact to the entire world. Obvious to everyone it seemed, apart from Daisuke. 

"Well thanks," Daisuke replied sarcastically. "I come over to cheer _you_ up and you calmly toss all my dreams away and turn them to dust. Thank you _so_ much!" He mock-glared at Ken. Or maybe he really glared, Ken wasn't exactly sure. Hikari Kamiya was a touchy subject with Daisuke. 

But Ken wasn't about to let himself be dragged down. "It's no problem Daisuke-chan!" he replied cheerfully, saying the sentence without thinking. Then he realised what he had just called Daisuke and inwardly balked. _Why did I just call him that?! What possessed me?!_

Daisuke was thinking similar thoughts. _When did I become Daisuke-**chan**?_ he wondered. _Daisuke ... chan. Only really close friends call each other that and Ken and I can hardly be called that!_ Instead he just gave Ken an appraising look and said, "I'm not even going to ask." 

But Ken was on a different track. "Perhaps you should," he answered shakily. His cheeks reddened, he added, "If it helps I don't know why I called you that either. It's just ... I regard you as a friend I suppose. I've never really had a proper human friend before." Daisuke understood why Ken had included the "human" part - Wormmon would always be considered Ken's first friend, hands down. Daisuke was prepared to take second place to the little digimon concerning that. 

"Well then ... I understand why you'd consider me a friend ... sort of. But even you have to admit we're not exactly close enough to be giving each other endearment terms either." He found himself flushing slightly and prayed Ken wouldn't notice. _I can hardly tell Ken I'd desperately **like** to call him by an endearment term after what I've just said ..._

There was no use getting around it. He had been developing feelings towards Ken lately that were a lot more than simply feelings of friendship. They were much, much more, and Daisuke hadn't a clue why. Maybe he'd always had those feelings towards Ken, since he'd first met the boy. Ever since that soccer game perhaps. He sighed. Why did things always have to be so difficult for him? 

But Ken had always been one of his idols, after Tai. He had seemed ... well, perfect ... in his eyes, but he was quickly beginning to see Ken was anything _but_ perfect. He had always seemed so in control, cool, calm and efficient ... beautiful even. But it was all just a mask - well except the beautiful part, there was a reason Ken had hundreds of female fans - a clever, smooth mask, but still a mask. Ken had problems, there was no denying that. And he had made some mistakes, some terrible mistakes. There was no denying that either. But he was human. And humans made mistakes. He should know, he'd made plenty of them. 

He still remembered when Ken had finally lost his alias as the Digimon Kaiser. When Wormmon had died and it had just been hitting Ken. Daisuke remembered with a shudder, the horrifying picture Ken had made, down on his knees, sobbing his eyes out. Tearing at his hair as the nauseating reality of what he had become sank in. The images still haunted him, sometimes he woke up in a cold sweat from them. If he found them difficult, what must Ken be feeling? 

He glanced at Ken. _He's putting up a good show_, he admitted, watching the boy closely. _He's trying to keep his life together, he's trying to prevent himself from falling apart again. I just hope the act is strong enough and that there's not fine cracks underneath the surface. For Ken at least. He doesn't need to go through it all again._

Ken blushed. "I know, I'm sorry. It just slipped out, I wasn't thinking ..." _I can hardly tell you I've wanted to call you that for so long can I?_ He glanced at Daisuke awkwardly, suddenly realising what a mess he'd made. Brilliant. Some boy genius he was. 

This time it was Daisuke's turn to blush. "Well, I didn't say I hated it either ... in fact ... well, I sort of liked it." There, he'd got it out. Now all he had to wait for was Ken's reaction. He just hoped it was the right one. 

He wasn't to be disappointed. Ken's eyes momentarily lit up, like blue flames. "I'm glad," he answered, his blush calmly slightly - only slightly. "I was starting to feel like a real fool." 

"You can't be a fool, you're a boy genius after all!" Daisuke replied, teasing. He expected Ken to laugh, sharing the joke, so his actual reaction shocked him. Instead of smiling, or even laughing, he instead looked away, but not before Daisuke saw the look of sadness and bitterness enter his eyes. He was baffled. What had he said wrong? "Ken?" he asked gently. "Ken, what did I say wrong?" _Trust you to put your foot in your mouth sooner or later Motomiya._

Ken shook his head slightly. "No, you said nothing wrong. It's just ... some boy genius I turned out to be, huh? I mean, I could solve any math problem, do any project and get a perfect grade, attempt any sport and excel in it. But when it came to treating people and things right ... I was just a complete disaster." There was no mistaking the bitterness in his voice. 

"Ken ..." Daisuke began, but he couldn't continue. Ken was right, he had been a complete disaster when it had come to treating others humanely. He couldn't deny it as it was true and that would have been a lie. But it hurt to admit the truth, as it was so cruel. He was beginning to understand why people lied. Sometimes it was better to lie than admit the truth. But he had a feeling this wasn't one of those times. 

"Don't say anything, I have to admit it," the former Kaiser told him. "I was so stupid, it's almost embarrassing. I treated everyone - even my own parents - like they were lower than me and not as important. I treated the digimon and the Digital World as if they were just some computer game. I didn't realise they were real things, that they could be hurt. That they had feelings and I was abusing them. How could I have been so stupid?! How could I ... oh I'm so, so sorry ..." It took Daisuke a moment to see that Ken had leaned forward so his dark blue hair was shielding his face and that his shoulders were shaking. It was then it hit Daisuke that Ken was crying, when he heard a muffled sob come from the other boy. Ken was crying as he was feeling guilty. Genuinely sorry for everything terrible he had done. 

For a moment he was well and truly stuck and didn't know what to do. He wished he had asked Hikari to come, she always knew the right thing to say to make people feel better. She'd wouldn't have let Ken come this far and let him start blubbering either. He could have kicked himself for not recognising the signs sooner. Glancing at Wormmon and Chibimon he gave them a desperate _What do I do_? look. Chibimon just shrugged, as clueless as he was, but Wormmon made some sort of gesture towards Ken. It took Daisuke a moment to get that Wormmon thought he should try and comfort Ken. 

_Great_, he thought, as he leaned toward Ken, who was still crying. _A green worm is more smarter than me. That's just great._ He looked at Ken for a moment, and realised all at once just how vulnerable and lonely Ken could be at times. He had a choice now. He could be cruel and leave Ken to deal with his unhappiness alone. Or he could be kind and try and help him. 

No matter how thick Takeru claimed him to be, Daisuke was not cruel. 

Gathering Ken in his arms, he pulled him to him, so Ken was crying into his shoulder softly. He gently rocked him back and forth, as he figured he should do, murmuring complete and utter nonsense in a calm voice, in the hopes it would help Ken somehow. He was beginning to regret not bringing Hikari along even more as every second passed. 

_But then I hadn't exactly figured that Ken would break down in front of me either_, he thought dimly, as he continued to rock Ken back and forth. _So I can't be completely blamed. Although if Takeru or Iori were here now, they'd probably be laughing at me._ Well maybe not. Not at the sight of the once mighty Ken Ichijouji crying uncontrollably in front of them. 

He was showing no signs of stopping and Daisuke was becoming increasingly aware that his jacket arm was beginning to get soaked. He had had no idea Ken had so much pent-up emotion or how desperately he had needed to get it out. He was actually glad he had decided to visit Ken. Maybe the thought of him and Ken becoming close friends wasn't such an absurd one now ... He refused to think about that. Ken was in no condition to even _be_ thinking about that. 

It was then, with Daisuke lost in his own thoughts and still concentrating on the task of helping Ken, that Ken's sobs gradually stifled and became slower. Daisuke tried not to sigh in relief. No matter how understanding he tried to be, to say the sight of Ken crying in front of him hadn't unnerved him would be lie. He waited though, still as a statue, waiting to see what Ken's next move would be. It was not the one he had expected. 

Turning his head so that his mouth was near Daisuke's neck, Ken whispered, "Thank you for being there Daisuke. Thank you for being a friend, when I needed one." Daisuke would never admit it, but the feeling of Ken's breath on his neck was a delightful one, that made him shiver. 

"You do not need to say thanks," he replied quietly. "It is what friends do Ken ... chan." He waited to see how Ken would react to Daisuke's use of his name. Of course it also managed to shock him to a completely new level - but Ken had been doing rather a lot to shock him so it was no surprise. 

For a moment Ken didn't do or say anything, and Daisuke was beginning to wonder if he had fallen asleep or something, when he suddenly found himself frantically trying not to gasp, as he felt Ken's lips on his neck. He was ... he was kissing him! 

The kisses were feather light, more like pecks than anything else, but that was beside the point wasn't it? They went up and down his neck quickly, and went down his jaw line for a few moments before returning to his neck. Ken seemed to be enjoying it, and Daisuke nearly expected him to start purring or something. He himself, well, he wasn't exactly sure how to describe what he was feeling. The sensation of Ken kissing his neck was an indescribable one, that sent shivers up and down his spine repeatedly. He liked it, he liked it very much. Was there a chance Ken held the same feelings for him as he did for Ken? 

Still in a daze, it didn't take long for Daisuke to realise Ken's kisses were becoming more hesitant, unsure. He could have whacked himself off the wall when he realised Ken was taking his stillness as utter rejection. He thought Daisuke didn't want his feelings. _Damn ..._

Lifting Ken off his shoulders, he made him look at him. Ken's eyes were huge, a dark twilight blue that Daiuske felt he could drown in. They were full of emotion and a fierce longing, that jarred Daisuke when he realised all that longing was for _him. Oh boy ..._ He gently traced Ken's face with his fingertips. First the large forehead, going down to his temples. Then across to his eyelids - Ken obviously closed his eyes for this - and down his nose and then his cheekbones. Gently stroking his jaw line, Daiuske still had to admit he found it hard to believe Ken could harbour such feelings towards a plain, often stupid boy, like him. It seemed so ... surreal even. It was the type of thing that would happen to Hikari or it was like something Miyako read and constantly wished would happen to her. Reaching up to gently outline Ken's lips, Daisuke finally lowered his face towards Ken's and gently kissed him. 

The feeling was amazing. Explosions rocked Daisuke's mind and everything that only happened in the films and in books happened right then, as Ken hungrily kissed him with a desperation Daisuke was only beginning to experience. How Ken could feel this way towards him was still a mystery towards Daisuke. How ...? It didn't even occur to him to wonder how he and Ken, two boys, could feel like this for each other. It seemed natural somehow, like it was meant to be. And Daisuke certainly liked it! 

He dimly felt Ken wrap his arms around him and pull him even closer to him, and he responded automatically by tangling his hands in Ken's soft hair. _Oh Ken, how could you like someone like me?_ Daisuke wondered, as the kiss slowly ended and he let his hands drift down to Ken's shoulders, as the other boy drew back from him. Daisuke noted Ken didn't withdraw his grip from him either. But what to do now? 

Ken was the first to speak. "I never thought ... I had always believed you would never hold feelings for me. Your crush on Hikari after all ..." He shrugged, looking slightly uncomfortable. 

Daisuke could hardly believe what he was hearing. "I thought the same about you. I mean you're a genius and everything and I'm, well - me. I never thought I'd be good enough for you. I still don't and I'm pretty much stumped as to how you can like me." He smiled slightly at Ken. 

Ken smiled faintly back at him. "It looks like we thought many things, no? And we were both utterly wrong weren't we? So ... what happens now?" he asked softly, reaching up to brush Daisuke's cheek faintly. 

"I don't know," he replied, shaking his head. "It's a little late to be saying 'I like you' doesn't it?" 

Ken smiled in amusement. "I think it is. But I have true feelings for you Daiuske, and that is no lie. I don't know why - I certainly didn't expect them - but I do. You have no idea what it was like for me to deal with those feelings as the Kaiser -" He stopped abruptly, a pained expression on his face. Shocked, Daisuke realised Ken's experiences as the Digimon Kaiser were still tender. He could have kicked himself - wasn't it _obvious_ they would be? Things like that couldn't just be accepted and dealt with. 

"Hey," he said, touching Ken's shoulder lightly. "Don't be like that. They were mistakes, terrible mistakes maybe, but still mistakes. You're only human Ken. Humans make mistakes - I should know as I've made my fair share of them!" 

That got a low chuckle out of Ken which was a start anyway. "Perhaps," he answered slowly, not really convinced. "God Daisuke how can you even bear to look at me, never mind ... kiss me. Those were a lot more than just mistakes Daisuke they were _astronomical_ errors! Those digimon were living things with feelings and minds. I made them serve me, I controlled them. I tortured them ... I killed them ... how could I?" 

For one terrible moment Daisuke thought Ken was going to cry again, but he didn't, instead clenching his hands tightly and keeping his back ramrod straight. Self control at its best. Despite the circumstances, Daisuke couldn't help but admire him. Ken was everything he wasn't - calm, cool, collected. Or at least he had been, all that remained of that Ken was a shadow that surfaced at moments like now. That was part of his attraction to the former Kaiser. Of course it was physical as well - Ken was beautiful no doubt about that - but it was the bit that made him Ken that he liked the most. It seemed foolish but it was the truth. 

He opened his mouth to speak, but Ken was continuing ruthlessly on. "And you and your friends ... how can you not hate me, after all I've done to you? I treated it all like a game that I desperately wanted to win. I was so used to getting what I wanted, I thought this would be no different. I was so stupid ..." 

"Ken," Daisuke spoke at last, his voice firm but gentle. "I admit it, those were really bad mistakes, and for a while I was mad as hell at you. But you know what? I still liked you, I still admired you. You and your life completely fell apart but you admitted you were wrong. You realised your mistakes. Not many people can even get that far Ken. You're not as bad as you think you are. Trust me." 

Ken froze and then slowly looked at him again. "Do you really think that?" he whispered, his eyes huge and filled with shadows. They were so haunted and so filled with pain that Daisuke couldn't help but let pity fill him. Ken looked so lost and - and _alone_. No matter what the others said, deep down he knew Ken was truly sorry for what he had done. 

He nodded, wrapping a reassuring arm around Ken. "I do," he replied simply. "You're hurt and you're sorry Ken - those things aren't to be ashamed of. It's going to take time and a lot of effort, but the forgiveness will come. Ken, I know it Besides I forgive you and that's a start at least. And I bet Chibimon does too, right Chibi?" he asked, glancing over at his digimon, who was sitting on Ken's bed beside Wormmon. They were both staring at them. Daisuke couldn't blame them, after what they had done! 

The little digimon suddenly piped up. "Yep!" 

That got a faint, shaky laugh out of Ken, who seemed so much better now. "Thank you Chibimon," he whispered. The digimon only smiled at his old enemy. 

"And I bet Wormmon really does to," Daisuke added, glancing at the little green worm. On cue, the digimon expertly slid off Ken's bed and went over to Ken. 

"You've always had my forgiveness Ken," Wormmon said. "I told you that and I meant it. I'll always be there for you." 

"Oh Wormmon!" Ken said, bending down to scoop him up. Holding him close, he looked down tenderly at his digimon. "Thank you. I'm so sorry for everything I've done. I never deserved you, not once. How could I have been so cruel to you?" 

"It's all forgiven Ken," he replied. "Forgiven and forgotten." Ken only gave him a sad look. 

"See?" Daisuke said softly. "You've my forgiveness and the forgiveness of two digimon who you probably thought would never forgive you. It's a start, isn't it?" 

For a few moments Ken was silent. Then he replied. "Yes, it's a start. A very nice one." He glanced at Daisuke and a smile curled his lips. "And I've got a very special friend out of it too." He laughed as Daisuke blushed hard. "Why did you come and visit me anyway? Really?" He tilted his head slightly as he waited for the reply. 

"Oh. That. Well ... I needed to talk to you. I didn't know why, but I had to. Your mom said you'd be home soon, so I decided to wait. You can't imagine how much I wanted to bolt. But Wormmon was great," he added, grinning at the green digimon who lay contentedly in Ken's arms. 

Ken smiled down at the little digimon, and Daisuke saw the pain that flashed across his face. 

"It's time to let go of all the pain and misery Ken," he said gently. "Once and for all." 

Ken nodded shakily. "You're right. It's time to put the past behind me." 

"The offer still stands you know. You can still come to the Digital World with me and the others," Daisuke offered carefully. Every time he had approached this, Ken had calmly refused. This time would be no different. 

"I have to do this on my Daisuke. I'll still help out obviously - I'm a Digidestined I can't avoid it - but the others wouldn't accept me. Not yet. And I can't afford to be the reason for a split in your group," he answered, shaking his head. 

Daisuke sighed, trying to hide his disappointment. He obviously hadn't done a very good job, as Ken smiled slightly at him. "Don't worry Daisuke, I'll still see you around." Daisuke blushed, as Ken's smile broadened. 

"I better go," Daisuke said with a sigh. "My parents will be wondering where I am." He scooped up Chibimon and walked to the door. Grabbing the knob, he slowly turned around. "See you around?" he asked hesitantly. 

Ken nodded, smiling. "Feel free to come around anytime you like. I'm sure Wormmon would like Chibimon's company anyway. Right?" he asked, looking down. Wormmon nodded. 

"Sure. I'd let you come around but I'm afraid what Jun might do to you -" Ken chuckled at this, but didn't say anything. "See you in the Digital World too?" 

"Of course," Ken replied. "Goodbye Daisuke." 

"See you," Daisuke answered, as he pulled open the door and stepped outside. 

Mrs. Ichijouji saw him leave. "How did it go?" she asked, not bothering to hide the anxious tone in her voice. She remembered how nervous this boy had seemed when she had seen him on the doorstep. 

Daisuke nodded and smiled. "It went great. Ken and I decided to meet up sometime, to play soccer or something." He didn't bother to mention what else might be done - he wasn't _that_ stupid! "He said I could come around anytime I liked," he added, figuring she'd like to hear something like that. 

Ken's mother beamed. "Oh I'm so glad. Ken doesn't invite his friends around often, so it makes a welcome change to see who they are." Daisuke felt utterly relieved to see she approved of him - if she knew what else he was to Ken, she mightn't. "It was so nice to meet you dear." 

"It was nice to meet you to," Daiuske replied politely, as he went out the door and shut it behind him. 

"Well that was interesting," Chibimon commented as Daisuke walked down the street. The tone he said it in made his digi-partner giggle, he made it sound so ordinary! 

"Interesting is one way to put it Chibi!" he replied laughing. "Definitely only one way to put it!" He and his digimon laughed as they made their way down the street. Yes, interesting was one way to put it - not necessarily the word Daiuske would have used though ...


End file.
